Dear Employee #871275918237.3,

Welcome to DooDoo Dynamics! As an Intermediate Business Analyst in the Department of Shareholder Enrichment, the positive change you will create for our business – and the world – will be impossible to underestimate.

Here are a few guidelines to make sure you hit the ground running, and continue to thrive in our fast-paced environment!

1. Stay on top of your work. Throughout the day, you will receive tasks in your inbox. Complete them promptly. Failure to do so may result in disciplinary action up to and including termination.

2. Engage with your coworkers. Outside of our massive commercial real-estate holdings, the motivation behind our 6 days a week in-office policy is simple: collaboration. Therefore, when your coworkers need something from you – or just want to chat – make sure to be as accommodating as possible.

3. Keep an eye on the time. Exit interviews with recently terminated employees have often reported odd behaviour exhibited by the clocks in the office. While these claims are currently unsubstantiated, HR has suggested that employees should keep a clock in view at all times whenever possible. Doing so should help you get through your first day without much trouble.

4. Be available. You will receive occasional messages from your teammates and stakeholders. Make sure they know you’ve seen them!

5. Respect the boss. If you start to fall behind, you may receive a call from your manager. You don’t have to pick up, but if you do, be prepared to explain your poor performance.

6. Don’t panic. An impressive 71% of DooDoo Dynamics employees make it through their first day here. Keeping a cool head will make sure that you’re one of them!

I’m so glad I could introduce you to the bright future you have in store with the DooDooDynamics family. If you have any further questions, feel free to ask one of your colleagues around the office.

Good Luck!

Karen Holmes
HR Manager | Onboarding | Offboarding | Outsourcing |  Obliterating
karen.holmes@doodoodynamics.com

(this game is satire... mostly)

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Game made by Nick Burns & Liam Horrigan.